You know what the hardest part of today was?
Not finding out my best friend wont be here for grad, not having to tell off my old friend, not purging to my farewell song. No, it was having to think of where I was gonig to be in 10 years. Why? Because I know i'll be dead. 10 feet under the ground. Cold. Lifeless. I couldnt tell my class that, I couldnt put it in the yearbook. So, I made it a joke. I am going to be, "The Crazy Cat Lady". With 50 cats.
24 more day till the end of school. Excited? Eh, I suppose. Scared as hell, though. Sad too. I mean, eight years of frienships and memories will be gone in less then a month. I remember in September or October thinking, "Oh May will never come. It's too far away." May flew by faster then I ever thought possible. Now, everything is about grad, the summer, high school. I just want to go back to grade 1, start all over, remake my memories. I know I cant, which sucks. A lot.
My very last dance of the school year is tomorrow. I think i'm going to be crying. No makeup for me.
I want to drink. I want to smoke. i want to do SOMETHING, anything, to make it feel like im living again. I need to talk to someone who can make that possible. I just dont know who yet.
I'm tired, so im gonna go to bed. I'll be back tomorrow <3
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