June 1st 2010.

You know what the hardest part of today was?

Not finding out my best friend wont be here for grad, not having to tell off my old friend, not purging to my farewell song. No, it was having to think of where I was gonig to be in 10 years. Why? Because I know i'll be dead. 10 feet under the ground. Cold. Lifeless. I couldnt tell my class that, I couldnt put it in the yearbook. So, I made it a joke. I am going to be, "The Crazy Cat Lady". With 50 cats.

24 more day till the end of school. Excited? Eh, I suppose. Scared as hell, though. Sad too. I mean, eight years of frienships and memories will be gone in less then a month. I remember in September or October thinking, "Oh May will never come. It's too far away." May flew by faster then I ever thought possible. Now, everything is about grad, the summer, high school. I just want to go back to grade 1, start all over, remake my memories. I know I cant, which sucks. A lot.

My very last dance of the school year is tomorrow. I think i'm going to be crying. No makeup for me.

I want to drink. I want to smoke. i want to do SOMETHING, anything, to make it feel like im living again. I need to talk to someone who can make that possible. I just dont know who yet.

I'm tired, so im gonna go to bed. I'll be back tomorrow <3

I suppose I should intoduce myself?

hey there(: My full name is Danielle Marie, but I hate my name with a passion sooo, call me Elle, please.

I'm 13 years old, although sometimes I act like i'm seven, sometimes like im 17. Depends on who i'm with, whats going on, where I am, my mood.

I think the perfect weight is 88 pounds, although I am farfarFAR from it. I'm hoping to lose as much as i possibly can (40 pounds, maybe?) by September first. Which is, by the way, my birthday. I have a purge disorder with EDNOS.

I have three best friends. Honestly, I don't know where I would be without them. Two of them, have been with me through everything this past year and a half. I'd do absolutely anything for them. Anything.

Music, is absolutely EVERYTHING to me. I don't think I'd be here without it. I like Skillet, Nevershoutnever, Simple Plan, Hollywood Undead, Superchic. The list goes on and on. In 15 years, I hope to be in LA, doing anything/everything I possibly can with music.

I'm a recovering self-harmer. The first time I used the blade, was 17 months ago. I've been clean since the 26th of May. I've gone over two months without it.

I'm a horrible, horrible speller. Google is my spell check(:

I always do better when people read how i'm doing. So maybe i'll get back on track for summer.


I'm open. Too open, sometimes. Ask me anything.